How to Release Judgments


  1. 1.      Recognize that we are all different.

At an event last week, I sat next to a friend who is a bit of an extravert. ‘A bit of’ may be putting it mildly but many times she was a little too loud or over excited. I smiled as some of the other people near us rolled their eyes or shook their heads with obvious distain.

But she couldn’t care less. She was having fun and expressing herself without reservation. No doubt she believed that I and many of the others in attendance were too boring. But we were being ourselves too. We were naturally more quiet and, or, reserved. And as much as sometimes I did believe that her volume switch needed to be toned down a few decibels, I couldn’t help but admire her for being herself. She knew that she was being judged but did not care.

You can’t hate people for who they are. I know some of the people in attendance felt that they were ‘better’ than my friend because of her supposed lack of decorum. But I knew the content of her character, and chose to focus on that, instead. I chose to remember that we are all different and some of us bring a drum beat and spark that others can’t. In that moment I loved her for being different. For creating a dramatic moment. For providing the lesson – for reminding me not to judge… her, or the others who were judging her.

Recognize that we are all different.




  1. 2.      Stop Being Condescending.

At a book signing a few months ago, a young man purchased a book ONLY because he wanted to support me. He wanted to commend me on my ‘effort’, and though he would buy my book, he confessed that he would not read it because it was not in the ‘league’ of the books that he read. He was accustomed to Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer and Joel Osteen, so my book would hardly interest him as a self-help book because I was too young and inexperienced.

What did he know of my age and experience? Clearly he hadn’t learned enough from the famous authors that he claimed to read!

As condescending as he was, I laughed and thanked him for his patronage.  I encouraged him to give the book to a friend or relative whom he believed would enjoy it, but he insisted that it would be kept in his collection and he would ‘browse’ through it at some point. I sincerely hope he eventually does read it because I believe that he can definitely benefit from the wisdom of my lowly words.

(Sigh) It’s a shame that so many of us create assumptions about others and judge them before we ever get a chance to experience who they are.

No one is better that the other. We are all, just, different. Stop being condescending.


  1. 3.      Appreciate people where they are.

How often have you judged someone because they are not like you?

If someone else’s life makes you uncomfortable, recognize that it is his life and not yours.  Allow him the freedom to be who he is. Life handles us all differently. And just because his life did not move in the direction that yours did, it does not mean that you are better than him. It simply means that you had a different life experience.

Celebrate others for who they are, not who you would like them to be or who you believe they could be. If we can all appreciate each other where we are in our lives and love one another for our amazing contribution to humanity, then we can truly, begin the journey to world peace.

Life is short… before you criticize or judge, stop and appreciate me instead.


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