Peace and Conflict

Think of anyone you dislike or have had a bad relationship with. Chances are they have friends, children or a partner whom make them very happy. It may be that his partner lives life on the same frequency that he does and they are two peas in the same pod. Or it may just be that while you get to experience him at his worst, his partner brings out the best in him.

Remember, we see people as we are, not as they are. And in the presence of who we are not, we recognize who we are. We should always try to remember this when we are dealing with conflict or opposing personalities and make a conscious effort to appreciate people for who they are and what they bring to our experience.

I once knew a man who had frequent outbursts and temper tantrums. When he got engaged many people couldn’t wait to meet the ‘lucky’ lady. Turns out, she was just as miserable. But they were unbelievably inseparable!  Like attracts like. And thank God when that happens because they don’t contaminate anyone else!

Even though a person’s personality may be blamed for their actions, how a person responds to you also has a lot to do with the environment that they’re in, the nature of the issue being dealt with and the temperaments of the people around him. Stressful situations can bring out the worst in people. If someone comes into a toxic environment every day, and the people around him feed the negativity, it is likely that he will not be pleasant to be around. However that same ‘beast’ that you work with in the day time, may be the most loving father and charming husband at night. He looks forward to a loving home, free from the stresses and judgments of the office and removes his armor as he walks through his front door. All his wife ever sees is a loving husband and his children are blessed with a fun father.

The opposite may also be true, as sometimes we cannot imagine our meek and loving friends and associates as irrational and abusive partners.

But as nasty as a person’s true personality may be, the fact remains – how they relate to you is usually triggered by their environment. So as much as possible you need to pay attention to the energy that you bring into any room. If you work in a toxic environment or live in an unhappy home, come into the space with peace. Make every effort to avoid conflict and resolve issues with peaceful intent. Invite love into your home and work environment, always. Make time to discuss the root of the issue and brainstorm possible solutions. Even if you have to do these with no input from your partner or team, let change begin with you. Take the step to invite a neutral party to give an unbiased review if you have to, but do something.

Try to look at the bigger picture. At work, divorce people from their jobs and make an effort to know them as a person so that you may better understand their motivations and actions. At home, be vulnerable, be open, communicate with your partner and commit to changes.

Life is short… Seize every opportunity to create a peaceful environment. Steer away from conflict.

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