You Can’t Hate People For Who They Are

 

I hugged my friend tightly and tried to assure her that everything would be ok.
‘I don’t deserve this Wands.’ She said. ‘How can I not hate him?’
‘Because you can’t hate people for who they are’ I repeated.
‘But he’s a cheater! And a bold face liar!’
‘Maybe to you. But to someone else he’s a great son, a loving dad, a reliable friend and to another woman, he’s Mr. Romeo too.’
‘Whatever! But to ONE WOMAN, this woman, he’ll always be an idiot!

I laughed. Because I knew it was true. So many men form the fool with good women.  They treat these women like dirt and destroy their faith in men. Then soon after, they get their act together and go on to build great relationships and enjoy happy homes.  HOWEVER, somewhere out there, there will always be at least ONE woman, who thinks they’re an A.H.!

‘Oh Lord, I can’t stand that bastard.’ She continued. ‘And don’t tell me not to hate him, I need you to be my friend now. Not your self-righteous author self!’
I laughed.
‘ Ok.’ I said ‘I’ll join you in the man bashing party. Who knows, he’s probably having one of his own right now.’
‘ Yeah, well he can say what he wants about me. I don’t care!’
‘And what would he be saying about you exactly?’
She paused.
‘That I’m manipulative, and bossy and too independent, and arrogant, and I don’t listen…’
‘Hmmm. And are you not all these things?’
She looked at me and took a long deep breath.  ‘I can be, when the occasion calls for it. But that’s not the point. He cheated!! You’re changing the subject.’

And then a pillow hit my face and I really got the point. So we laughed and continued to man bash and I helped her wallow in self-pity like good girlfriends do and we drank wine and had a lovely evening.

And I returned home and hit my laptop.

You can’t hate people for who they are. Just as you do not want them to hate you for who you are.

We are all complex beings and when our personalities collide, we become more aware of who we are, when we see, who we are not. We see personality traits in others that annoy or offend us, and we become increasingly upset when they refuse to change. But alas, they can’t change, because it is just who they are.

I remember there was this particular woman whom I used to see as extremely inconsiderate. Every week, she would find novel ways to disappoint me, and sink to new levels of disgust. Until I realized, that she was never going to change. It was just who she was. Who was I then, to hate her because of it?

You can’t hate people for who they are. If you believe that someone else’s behavior is offensive, don’t take it personally. It is not about you. Unfortunately, in that moment you can’t judge their childhood experiences, education, socialization, present circumstances, ignorance, luck, etc. And no matter how you may feel, the truth is, something about you, brought out that reaction in them.

So now, DO take it personally and use their ‘flaws’ to improve your own character. Appreciate people, not only for who they are, but for where they are in life. It’s a learning curve you know, and we’re all on it. We can only be ourselves in relation to someone else. Embrace that. And become more tolerant and accepting of diversity.

Life is short… You can’t hate people for who they are.

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10.20.13

Great article.. :)

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